If you’re reading this, chances are you’re in the middle of potty training or gearing up for it (hugs). We totally get it—potty training can be a challenging, overwhelming, and sometimes confusing journey. You’ve probably read a lot about potty training: When to start, how to do it, and every tip or trick under the sun. But maybe you’re not so sure about what not to do.
We’ve been there, and even well-intentioned parents make potty training mistakes. But, there are some key behaviors parents should steer clear of during the potty training process. We’ll cover the basics of potty training, share tips for a (moderately) less stressful experience, and share tried-and-true advice on common potty training mistakes to avoid in hopes of setting your toddler up for success.
When Do Most Kids Begin Potty Training?
Most toddlers start showing signs of potty training readiness between 18 and 30 months, but it’s different for every kiddo. Some might be ready early, while others might take more time. (Of course, does anyone else roll their eyes when told, “Don’t worry! They won’t go to college in diapers!” Just us?)
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), the average age for neurotypical children to begin potty training is between 2 and 3 years old. Children with special needs are typically completely potty trained by age 5.
It’s important to remember that children typically become daytime potty trained before they stay completely dry overnight. Nighttime wetting is developmentally normal through your kiddo’s fifth birthday. Using overnight pull-ups or diapers for a while longer is perfectly fine—it can help ease the transition and save you a few loads of laundry.
Read more: Potty Training 101: When and How to Start (publish TBD)
Signs Your Child Is Ready to Potty Train
Trying to potty train before your toddler is developmentally ready is an exercise in futility (ask us how we know). While every kiddo is unique, some common signs can help you know when it’s time to begin this exciting new chapter. Here’s what to look for to ensure your little one is ready to ditch the diapers:
- Interest or curiosity in using the potty.
- A dry diaper for longer than usual (generally 2+ hours).
- A regular, predictable poop schedule.
- Discomfort in a wet or soiled diaper.
- Waking up dry after a nap.
- Copying you (or an older sibling) going to the bathroom.
- Telling you they need to or have gone to the bathroom.
Potty Training Mistakes to Avoid
Potty training can come with its fair share of challenges. Knowing what common mistakes to avoid can make the process successful (and save yourself some tears).
Starting Too Early
It can be tempting to start potty training early—freedom from diapers!—but timing matters. Like other exciting milestones (first steps, first words), every kid reaches this stage at their own pace. Jumping into potty training too soon can backfire, making the process longer and definitely more frustrating
When you start too early, your child might not possess the physical or emotional readiness to succeed. Instead of building confidence, too-early potty training can result in resistance, setbacks, and more accidents, leaving everyone feeling frazzled. Instead of working on a timeline, focus on the developmental signs of readiness (see above) and allow that to guide you.
Starting During a Stressful Time
Life (and parenting) is full of intense ups and downs: Maybe you’re moving, welcoming a new baby, or prepping for the holidays. Adding potty training to the mix can feel overwhelming during these stressful periods—not just for you, but for your toddler, too.
Kids are incredibly intuitive and sensitive to their surroundings. If your family has anything major on the horizon, hit the brakes on potty training. Stressful situations can make it harder for your kiddo to adapt to new routines, including learning a new way to go poop. Introducing potty training while they’re feeling unsettled can lead to resistance, more accidents, and slower progress. Potty training requires patience, consistency, and a calm environment which are often in short supply during stressful times.
Using Negative Reinforcement
Potty training can be frustrating, slow-moving, and seemingly endless. Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t always bring out the best in us (parents are human, too). It’s not always easy, but try to keep a positive, upbeat attitude with your potty-training toddler.
Using negative reinforcement or punishment when things don’t go smoothly can create more problems than it solves, like:
- Fear and anxiety about using the potty.
- Resistance to using the potty.
- Withholding to avoid using the potty.
- Regression and increased accidents.
Positive reinforcement—and a little compassion—is a far more effective approach to potty training (saving you a major guilt trip is pretty sweet, too). Celebrate every victory, no matter how small, and heap on the extra TLC.
Ignoring Constipation
Constipation might not be the first thing that comes to mind when you think about potty training, but it’s an important consideration. Ignoring your kiddo being backed up can make the whole process much more challenging for your toddler and lead to frustrating setbacks.
When your child is constipated, using the potty can be uncomfortable or even painful, which might make them resist going altogether. Painful poops can create a cycle of holding it in, which only worsens the constipation and makes potty training feel like an uphill battle.
Watch for signs of constipation, like infrequent bowel movements, hard stools, or discomfort when going. Including high-fiber sides at every meal and keeping them well-hydrated can help keep things moving smoothly. If constipation becomes a persistent issue, don’t hesitate to reach out to your pediatrician for advice.
Comparing Your Child to Others
Potty training can be a tricky journey, and it’s easy to find yourself comparing your toddler’s progress to their peers (or siblings). But every child develops at their own pace, and comparing timelines can create unnecessary anxiety and pressure.
You might worry that your child is falling behind or that you’re doing something wrong. Maybe a looming start to preschool has you feeling panicked. Your stress will be sensed by your toddler, in turn making them feel pressured and anxious about the potty. Instead of it being a typical phase of early childhood, it can turn into a source of stress for the entire family.
Embrace a personalized approach to potty training that fits your child’s personality and motivations. Every child responds differently to various methods, so it’s worth experimenting with different techniques to see what works best for your kiddo.
Making Your Child Sit on the Potty for Too Long
It’s important to give your kiddo time to use the potty—no one appreciates feeling rushed—but making them sit until they go isn’t always the best approach. When introducing potty training, many parents make the mistake of going to the potty too frequently and forcing their toddler to sit for too long. When starting out, encourage your child to sit on the potty first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Gradually increase the potty time as your child becomes more comfortable and ready.
Extended periods on the potty can lead to frustration, discomfort, and a sense of pressure for your little one. Keep potty sessions short and positive, encouraging your child to sit for a few minutes at a time. If nothing happens, reassure them that it’s okay and try again later. Ensuring the session is brief and relaxed will help your kiddo feel more comfortable and confident in their potty training journey.
Being Afraid to Pause Potty Training
Potty training can be a rollercoaster, and sometimes it feels like you’re making great progress, only to hit a bump in the road. One common mistake many parents make is refusing to pause potty training when things aren’t going well. It’s natural to want to keep pushing forward, but sometimes taking a step back to regroup is the better bet.
What are the signs potty training isn’t going so smoothly? Here’s what to look for:
- Increased resistance
- Frequent accidents
- Withholding
- Regression
- Disinterest
If your kiddo is struggling or not making progress, it’s okay to hit pause and revisit in a few weeks or months. Patience, encouragement, and a positive attitude will go a long way in making potty training a success.
Overreacting to Accidents
Accidents are an inevitable part of potty training, and we can tell you: It’s going to be messy. But how we react to them will make a huge impact on how successful potty training is. Take a cleansing breath and avoid overreacting when your child has an accident. It’s easy to feel frustrated or disappointed, especially when you’re hoping for progress, but keeping your cool is essential.
When accidents happen, stay calm and composed. Reacting with frustration, disappointment, or anger can create anxiety for your child, making them feel like they’ve failed. The last thing you want is your kiddo to feel is fear or dread around the potty.
Instead, treat accidents as learning opportunities. Gently remind your child that it’s okay and that accidents happen. Offer reassurance and encouragement, and help them clean up without making a big deal out of it. You might say something like, “Oops, it looks like we didn’t make it to the potty this time. That’s okay, let’s clean up and try again next time.”
Ignoring Your Child’s Feelings
Potty training is a big step for your toddler, and it’s not uncommon for children to have fears or anxieties about the whole deal. Don’t ignore or discount these feelings! While it might seem like a small thing to us, for a kid, using the potty can be a pretty big deal.
If your kiddo is expressing fear or hesitation, it’s important to listen and validate their feelings. Dismissing their worries or pushing them too hard can lead to increased anxiety and resistance. Instead, try to understand what’s causing their fear. Are they worried about the noise the toilet makes? Do they feel unsteady sitting on the potty? Or are they simply anxious about doing something new?
Remember, showing empathy and understanding builds trust and helps your child feel more confident. By acknowledging and addressing their feelings, you create a supportive environment that encourages them to take those important steps towards potty training success.
Using Pull-Ups
Pull-ups and diapers are very absorbent, which is great for keeping babies comfy but not so helpful when it’s time to potty train. They’re so effective at keeping kiddos dry that they don’t experience the sensation of being wet, which is an integral part of learning to use the potty.
Pull-ups can give toddlers a sense of security, but they can also create confusion. Since they feel similar to diapers, your kiddo might not feel the need to rush to the potty when they need to go. This can slow down the training process and make it harder for them to understand the signals their body is giving them.
Switching to training pants or regular underwear can be a game-changer. They allow your child to feel when they’re wet, helping them to connect the sensation with the need to use the potty. Yes, it might be a bit messier at first, but it often leads to quicker progress as your child becomes more aware of their bodily functions.
If you’re concerned about the mess, try having your child wear underwear inside a pull-up. This way, they’ll still feel the wetness but you’ll have less to clean up. It’s a compromise that can ease the transition and keep the process moving forward.
Finding What’s Right for You
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