How to Bond with Your Newborn

Ever notice that you could stare at your baby for hours, or instinctively want to cuddle and smooch them? Your brain is hardwired to bond with your newborn and enjoy their company, even when they’re fussy (and you haven’t showered in days). Building a bond with your baby sets them up for a lifetime of healthy social connection, and bonus alert—it’s a pretty sweet deal for you, too.

What Is Newborn Bonding and Attachment?

Bonding is simply the development of a deep and lasting attachment between a child and their caretaker, beginning in utero and continuing throughout the first year of life and beyond. It’s what makes parents instinctively protect and nurture their children (and why you’re up tending to overnight feedings, despite your exhaustion).

Bonding is a process, and as long as you are taking care of your baby’s basic needs and responding with care when they’re distressed, an attachment will eventually form. Some parents will feel an immediate bond and connection, while for others it may take weeks or even months (some circumstances can impact your timeline, and we dig into those, below).

Why Do Newborns Bond with Their Caretakers?

Bonding is a human instinct—it helps parents feel connected to their new family member, and it helps babies feel safe and secure while building their self-esteem. It’s happening when you may not even realize it: Your baby gets to know the sound of your voice before they’re ever born, for example.

How Do Newborns Bond?

It’s important to be gentle with yourself as you get to know your new baby. Understanding your newborn’s bonding behavior is like learning a new language, and as you care for your new baby, you’ll begin to observe body language and physical responses that are cues your baby wants to connect. Observable bonding behaviors may include:

Responding to or imitating your facial expressions.
Smiling or making eye contact.
Following a moving object (visual tracking).
Laughing and cooing.
Responding positively to touch.
Appearing alert or interested.
Physically relaxing when they hear your voice.

As you consistently respond with warmth and affection to your baby’s cues, your bond will strengthen, and your baby will form a secure attachment.

What Is Secure attachment and How Does It Develop?

Attachment theory was pioneered by researcher John Bowlby in the 1950s (and was greatly elaborated on by developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth in the 1970s) and has played a huge role in our understanding of child development since its introduction. Attachment theory focuses on relationships and bonds—Bowlby and Ainsworth believed that the earliest bonds between a parent and child have a profound impact on a child’s development that continues to exist throughout a lifetime.

A secure attachment develops when an infant has an attentive and responsive primary caregiver. Securely attached babies are comforted by and feel safe in the presence of their caregiver, and prefer their caregiver to strangers.

Why Is Bonding with Your Baby Important?

Bonding and attachment have a lasting impact on your baby: Optimal social, emotional, and cognitive development are all dependent on a secure attachment between an infant and their caregiver.

Safe, stable, and nurturing relationships buffer children against chronic stress and build resilience. Children who were securely attached as infants tend to demonstrate:

Stronger self-esteem and self-reliance.
More independence and willingness to try new things.
Perform better academically.
Form stronger interpersonal relationships.
Are less likely to suffer from anxiety and depression.

Infants who have a healthy and secure attachment to their primary caregiver grow into adults who have higher social intelligence, who have an easier time building and maintaining stable romantic relationships, and who are less likely to struggle with mood disorders like depression and anxiety.

Are There Factors That Affect Bonding?

It’s incredibly common to not feel an immediate or overwhelming bond with your new baby, and over half of women who’ve given birth report mood swings colloquially known as the “baby blues”. Some commonplace obstacles to bonding can include:

A prolonged, difficult, or traumatic birthing experience.
Hormonal changes, or suffering from postpartum depression.
Your baby required medical intervention following delivery, or you had a C-section.
Your own childhood was traumatic, or you didn’t have a positive parental role model.
Lack of support or a “village”.
A past loss of a pregnancy or child.
General life stressors, such as job insecurity, exhaustion, and financial strain.
Marital and/or relationship strife, or abuse.

Remember, attachment taking longer to form (or requiring more effort) does not mean you are a bad parent. Similarly, a delay in bonding shouldn’t make you feel anxious or guilty. Oftentimes, bonding becomes a natural byproduct of the day-to-day caretaking babies and children require.

But if you feel like you haven’t bonded with your baby within the first few weeks home, discuss your concerns with your pediatrician and your healthcare provider (both are great resources and are accustomed to addressing these worries with new parents). While bonding delays aren’t atypical, it could also be a sign of postpartum anxiety or depression and identifying the underlying issue leads to better outcomes for everyone in the family.

Tips for Bonding with Your Baby

Responding to your baby with warmth, affection, and care builds your bond and makes your newborn feel safe. Simple and basic interactions, like rocking, cuddling, and singing, will develop attachment and establish a bond—it’s really that uncomplicated! These are our tips for getting closer to your baby.

Room-in with your new baby while in the hospital. Physical proximity is great for bonding, and it will facilitate breastfeeding, too.
Spend lots of time practicing kangaroo care with your newborn. Kangaroo care—or skin-to-skin contact— encourages bonding, reduces infant stress, improves infant heart rate and temperature regulation, and aids in alleviating mild postpartum depression. It also boosts oxytocin and prolactin levels, which help establish and maintain your milk supply.
Breastfeeding (or bottle feeding) provides even more opportunity for that skin-to-skin contact that’s so important, and also shows your baby that you’re a source for nourishment and comfort.
Babywearing is a convenient way to snuggle your little one while freeing up your hands to get a bite to eat (or chase an older sibling). Plus, you’ll get a lot of easy baby observation time, which can help you understand their cues more quickly.
Make eye contact with your newborn while talking and singing. This helps your baby associate facial expressions with feelings, and lays the groundwork for developing emotional intelligence.
Room share with your baby for the first six months, per the American Academy of Pediatrics safe sleep recommendations. Not only will it reduce your baby’s SIDS risk, it also makes it easier to be responsive to overnight crying.
While you may not know exactly why your baby is crying, responding with warmth and affection to their distress reinforces that you’re a reliable and predictable source of comfort. With time you’ll come to understand exactly why your baby is crying, as well (hunger, needing a diaper change, wanting to be held, etc.).

Perhaps most importantly—and most frequently overlooked—take care of yourself (more easily said than done). Ask for and accept help, prioritize sleeping when you can, and take time for yourself when possible. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and it’s easier to manage the demands of parenting a newborn when you have opportunities to recharge.

Welcome to Our Family

Albee Baby is the oldest family-owned specialty baby shop in the US, and we pride ourselves on providing our customers with the best assortment of baby products anywhere, at fair prices, always. We’re committed to being an inclusive resource for parents, and hope you’re feeling empowered to find the right baby gear for your family. Still have questions? Feel free to contact our baby gear experts at 877.692.5233 or by email at [email protected].